Monthly Archives: July 2008

Kudos

Kudos
Dr. Mandal

Dr. Mandal

It’s undeniable. The more degrees you have, the more people you have to thank along the way. Without saying, my family, my friends and colleagues have all supported me all along. Even now I wouldn’t be able to do what I do without them. So before anyone feels left out that I’m not acknowledging them, I definitely am. You know who you are.

That being said, I have two poignant memories of two different men who inspired me to continue on the long road. The first was my math teacher, Mr. Marron, in the eighth grade. The second was John when I was a first year medical student. When I graduated from medical school in 1997, one of the first things I did was write a letter to Mr. Marron. I wrote how he inspired me to become a more diligent student, his belief that I would go on to become a physician never left me. Without going into the negative moments, there were times when teachers and classmates would laugh when I would tell them I was going to be a physician. Why? I really don’t know. I’ve always been a good student. Perhaps they felt uncomfortable with my academic clairvoyancy. Mr. Marron never did.

John, my best friend, was someone I knew since college. He was a year ahead of me in medical school. When I first started med school I felt entirely overwhelmed. I couldn’t imagine how I was going to memorize enormous amounts of information and then spit it out. One day John and I were hanging out in my room. I was staring out into space, not saying much. He just knew what I was thinking and said, “I know you. You can do it.” I still remember those words when I’m feeling overwhelmed or doubting myself.

I haven’t seen either Mr. Marron or John for a long time. I hope they know how much they gave me.

Why do you want to be a doctor?

Why do you want to be a doctor?

“Why do you want to be a doctor? ” A question I’ve come across many times in my life, starting at the age of seventeen. I had applied (and later accepted) into a combined eight year medical program at NYU. I remember getting on the Long Island Rail Road, getting off at Penn Station and walking over to the eastside to NYU School of Medicine. I was mesmerized by the whitecoats and stethescopes. My interviewer was a pleasant dermatologist, Dr. Sanchez, who is still there. Of course, it was he who asked me this infamous question.

To be honest, I don’t quite remember how I answered the question. I remember being earnest at the time, but I look back at my youth and naivete and realize that I really didn’t know why at that time. How could I? I was only seventeen. This is not to say that my inner self didn’t know the answer. But the real reasons why I became a physician didn’t form into my consciousness until several years later.

As I began to realize the real reasons why I had become a physician, I realized that these reasons pervaded every nook and cranny of my life. Not only was I a fixer upper at work, I was also one in my personal life. I attracted people, unconsciously of course, who needed more than they were able to give. Some part of me must have believed that I didn’t deserve to be given anything back, otherwise why would I choose these kind of relationships?

It’s very difficult to let go of old patterns. To quote James Joyce, Mistakes are the portals of discovery. You do it enough times and you realize that there’s a pattern. Some people realize it, more often they don’t. I’m lucky that I’ve realized this in myself and I now strive to be around people who can give and take. Psychologists would call it cognitive behavioral techniques. I call it: I deserve better and walk away. Recently I’ve had to do this twice, it was difficult. A part of me wanted to go back to the unhealthy situation, but the stronger self knew better.

I’m also learning to listen to that voice of instinct. Somehow I’ve muted it and it hasn’t had such a strong voice. I’ve been given different sets of advice from caring friends, but there have been times when I realized that their suggestions would not serve me well. My instinct knew better.

If I were to be seventeen again with the knowledge and experience that I have now, my answer to Dr. Sanchez would have been entirely different. I would have replied, “Gnothi seuton”, Latin for “Know Thyself”. To understand who I am is to know why I became a doctor.

Song: Caramel

Song: Caramel

Someone mentioned this song to me recently…He says 5’5” with brown eyes is the perfect woman ;)

The song came out in 2001. City High is a trio group, two men and one woman: Robby Pardio, Claudette Ortiz and Ryan Toby. The group was produced by none other than Mr. Wyclef Jean. Video posted for your hip hop pleasure.

Reading on the train

Reading on the train

I’ve always been someone who pours through books. In the second grade I was dubbed “Class Bookworm”. I would be scolded by my parents for reading my library books at the dinner table. More often than not I would fall asleep with a book covering my face. It was fitting that I started wearing glasses at the age of six. It was congruent with being Ms. Bookworm.

I stopped reading for pleasure when I was in medical school. It was four long years of academic text only. I didn’t have the time or energy to keep up with my passion. I had to focus on taking tests every week and studying for multiple classes at the same time. I didn’t even realize the transition. It just happened. I guess I was just too absorbed trying to survive being a medical student.

When I finally finished residency and became an attending physician, I was able to get back to reading for fun. I’ve never been able to read at home, for one reason or another. So I now read on the train. Two or three years ago, my commmute was about  1 1/2 hours which gave me plenty of time to read. That’s three hours of reading a day. I was usually able to get through a book in about three or four days. Now my commute is twenty minutes. I’m able to get through a book anywhere from one to two weeks. Besides vying for a space to hold on and doing a balancing act with my book, I get completely absorbed in reading. It evens makes my commute seem to go faster.

My father has always commuted into the city. He never seems to get bothered by it. I think I take after him. I like the transition from going from home to work and vice versa. The commute is not only a transition ride, but it gives me time for myself that I’m not otherwise able to get. Even though I work in Manhattan, I made a conscious decision to live outside so that I can have a boundary between work and my personal life. I’m glad I’m able to use the train ride as a boundary as well as keeping up with my passion for reading.

My chocolate horoscope

My chocolate horoscope

2 Baci chocolates with the following messages:

1. You can judge a man by his friends.

2. In certain things the eye of a woman will always see more deeply than a hundred men’s eyes.

And on Tuesday my sister looked up my horoscope and said that someone from the past would be contacting me out of the blue, but to be careful and investigate first, because more likely than not, there are ulterior motives.

I’ll take these three things + my instinct and make my own decisions…

Brother

Brother

Brother, a word true
You are the best one I’ve known
Even now it’s true

True you are not George
George is really a girl now
George and I love you

Feelings don’t change fast
Not when they’ve been set in stone
You are my sibling

Sometimes you are strange
But then I realize why
Then I feel sad too

But what doesn’t change
Is the love and the caring
You are not alone

My purple hat (La gorra purpura en haiku)

My purple hat (La gorra purpura en haiku)

I want my hat back
It’s from NYU, you see
I paid for it man

It’s mine and not yours
Did you go to college man?
No, you dropped out dude

You’re not a doctor
My hat’s crying out for me
Help! Help! Help! It shouts

Blood, sweat and tears dude
That’s what I paid to get it
I loaned it to you

I hate this white hat
I want my purple one back
That says NYU

Class of ’97 man
I belong to it
That won’t ever change

Si entiendes
Yo quiero la gorra
De mi escuela

I speak in Spanish
Maybe you don’t know English
That’s right I forgot

Yo puedo hablar
Spanish better than you
Tu mama tiene

Verguenza for you
Who can blame her, not I sir
Si, yo tambien

Quiero la gorra
Una gorra purpura
That’s all I want now

July 2008 Book Review: Unaccustomed Earth

July 2008 Book Review: Unaccustomed Earth


Jhumpa Lahiri’s Unaccustomed Earth is by far her best piece of writing since Interpreter of Maladies. Frankly, The Namesake left me with a void. As a second generation American of Bengali descent, I frankly did not relate with many of the characters in the novel. The Namesake is about Gogol Ganguli and his family. Gogol has a huge ambivalence about his identity as a Bengali-American. The concept of the novel was great, but the development of the individual characters left me wanting more.

In Unaccustomed Earth, Lahiri was able to accomplish what I felt she hadn’t in The Namesake. The characters were realistic, they actually reminded me of people I know. The title is appropriate since Lahiri manages to create a conglomerate of earthy characters who are imaginably real and imperfect. The reader can empathize with their situations. This set of short stories reminded me of her Pulitzer Prize winning book, but the stories are longer and weave in and out of different time periods, characters and places.

Lahiri’s imagery is amazing. Very few writers have this talent. She seduces the reader and gets them to use their minds and visualize what the characters look and act like. Most likely this book won’t be made into a Hollywood film, if it does, let’s just hope that Kal Penn isn’t in it.

Just listen

Just listen

I often feel that a lot of people confide in me about their personal lives, without asking on my part. Today I had a patient crying in my office because he found out that his girlfriend  of several years had been cheating on him. I was able to listen as a caregiver and do whatever I possibly could to help him feel better, but I was left wondering about another confessional this week.

Someone else confided a huge detail of their personal life to me this week. I couldn’t believe this person told me this information, especially because they looked seemingly well for the past three weeks. They sat in my office for several minutes, wiping away the tears, trying to be strong. All I could do was listen. There wasn’t much I could do to help them but I didn’t feel helpless.  I knew that all they really wanted from me was just to listen. I opened up the internet and went to my weblog and looked for the poem “If”, by Rudyard Kipling. I read it to them and when I was done I looked up and this person looked both relieved and exhausted at the same time. I say this because this person is really tough, no one would realize that they experience vulnerability too.

A few years ago, one of my girlfriends experienced heartache. She looked okay and everyone admired her for being so strong. One of our mutual friends even commented that  nothing seemed to phase my friend. I knew better. It’s often the ones with the toughest exteriors that are the softest inside. It took her months to reveal what I already knew, but she eventually told me that she was devastated, that the heartache had caused major anxiety in her life. I don’t think she has told many people this.

I often wonder why people feel so comfortable sharing their life with me. I have had people that I don’t even know well tell me their whole life story. Most of the time I just sit there and listen. I might ask a question or two, but I mostly just listen. It seems that finding people who will just listen is very difficult these days. Who has the time and energy?

Truthfully, there are times when people tell me their secrets, I may not necessarily condone certain behaviors or actions on their part. I maintain this judgement for my own life only. I realize that I am in no position to judge someone who feels that they can trust me with their life. It doesn’t require too much energy from me and I feel honored.

I used to be someone who kept everything inside. Many people in the past have called me stoic. It took me a long time to learn about myself and realize that I am a deeply emotional person. Several years ago, it was too painful for me to experience my own emotions, it was too scary. I’m still the same person, I just know myself a whole lot better. I allow myself to go through feelings, whether they are good or not-so-good. If I read Rudyard Kipling’s poem “If” several years ago, I would not have understood why Triumph and Disaster are both imposters. Now I do. Intuitively, I think people who confide in me, realize the transformation within me and they know that I have traveled down a few roads myself.

It’s a medical business

It’s a medical business
Dr. Mandal

Dr. Mandal

I started my practice in the summer of 2006 against all odds. I was refused any sort of business loan by four different banks. All four cited that I had a starting business and although I was a medical doctor, they still considered it risky. One of the lenders said, “Come back in two years”. I thought, “Okay, but how am I supposed to start something if I don’t have the money now?”

I briefly thought about getting a MBA a couple of years ago. Then I remembered that I had already been a perpetual student for so many years. Who wanted to be stuck in a classroom again? Not I. I also contemplated getting an online MBA, but those can be quite costly and time consuming as well. I decided that there was no reason why I couldn’t venture into a business using my street and academic smarts. Besides, I wasn’t about to start accruing another six figure student loan again.

The medical world is essentially divided into clinical, research and academia. I’ve never considered business to be a part of that world. Perhaps because doctors are associated with taking care of people that it’s difficult to envision them as business people. This is something that I’ve come to understand in my own practice. For me, it’s a medical business.

My own practice has a life of its own. I have an online appointment scheduler. Most of my patients are young and busy and express that it is annoying to be put on hold to schedule an appointment. Most like the ease of just logging on to my website and scheduling an appointment at whatever time of the day or night. Most appointment reminders are sent online. I have a billing company that is located in Massachussets. After I submit my claims electronically, this company is responsible for following up and making sure that I am getting paid appropriately by the insurance companies on time. Thus far, they are doing a good job.

The first year of my practice, I marketed heavily. I canvassed neighboring businesses and convinced them to send me patients. I did presentations on hypertension and diabetes. I brought in my glucometer and checked over two hundred fingersticks at a time. I designed postcards and flyers and created targeted mailing lists. I took out ads in various newspapers.

I was an employee for five years working in a community health center and subsequently a large private hospital. My first job really taught me how to do other things besides being a physician. Honestly, I wasn’t able to rely on my clerks to take care of prior authorizations or insurance issues so I would do it myself. When my patient was given an appointment with a specialist in two months, I would get on the phone and get the secretary to move up the appointment to next week. It made me tough and resilient. My second job was more tailored as a private office. I got hands on training about coding and billing and the world of private medical insurance.

When I initially set up my practice, it was part-time. I worked another hospital job to make ends meet since I really wasn’t pulling in too much dough from my business. I did this for about six months and then decided that I was turning into a workaholic. No fun and no play made me a very mean person. :(   I decided to take a big risk and go full-time into my practice. At first I expected that it would take about six months to really start making a decent salary. I was most surprised when the practice numbers increased sharply. I realized that by investing energy into one thing alone, it expanded faster than I expected.

The other things that I am learning more about are customer relations and dealing with employees. To be truthful, I fluctuate between being a sap to being absolutely unbendable. However, we don’t live in a black and white world, I’m learning. Most of my patients and I have a great relationship, but occasionally there are some that are not satisfied. I am learning not to take this as a sign that I am not a good physician. I am a human being and not all of us are meant to have a kismet connection. I am also learning to ask more from people who assist me. As someone who likes to do EVERYTHING, this is difficult for me to do. I don’t like to be bossy, but I’m realizing that in order to have a smooth running operation, delegating tasks is key.

Most people think it is really funny when they ask about my business plan. I never had one. Instead, my focus was what I wanted as a physician and person. I grew frustrated in the past with directives from non-physicians and working long hours. I knew I didn’t want to be hospital-focused and wanted normal hours so that I could still enjoy my personal life. This was and still is the plan. Everything focuses around it.

It’s almost year 2 of my business (August) and I can say that I still like doing all the mundane non-physician things. I like submitting the billing, I like doing account reconciliations. I like calling the insurance companies. I like doing prior authorizations. I like calling in the prescriptions to the pharmacies. I like calling my patients for appointment reminders (the ones that don’t have e-mail). I like scheduling appointments. I like drawing blood. I like centrifuging the blood. I like doing dipsticks and giving shots. I like doing EKGs. My doctor friends all laugh at me.

It’s sick, isn’t it? :)