I often feel that a lot of people confide in me about their personal lives, without asking on my part. Today I had a patient crying in my office because he found out that his girlfriend  of several years had been cheating on him. I was able to listen as a caregiver and do whatever I possibly could to help him feel better, but I was left wondering about another confessional this week.

Someone else confided a huge detail of their personal life to me this week. I couldn’t believe this person told me this information, especially because they looked seemingly well for the past three weeks. They sat in my office for several minutes, wiping away the tears, trying to be strong. All I could do was listen. There wasn’t much I could do to help them but I didn’t feel helpless.  I knew that all they really wanted from me was just to listen. I opened up the internet and went to my weblog and looked for the poem “If”, by Rudyard Kipling. I read it to them and when I was done I looked up and this person looked both relieved and exhausted at the same time. I say this because this person is really tough, no one would realize that they experience vulnerability too.

A few years ago, one of my girlfriends experienced heartache. She looked okay and everyone admired her for being so strong. One of our mutual friends even commented that  nothing seemed to phase my friend. I knew better. It’s often the ones with the toughest exteriors that are the softest inside. It took her months to reveal what I already knew, but she eventually told me that she was devastated, that the heartache had caused major anxiety in her life. I don’t think she has told many people this.

I often wonder why people feel so comfortable sharing their life with me. I have had people that I don’t even know well tell me their whole life story. Most of the time I just sit there and listen. I might ask a question or two, but I mostly just listen. It seems that finding people who will just listen is very difficult these days. Who has the time and energy?

Truthfully, there are times when people tell me their secrets, I may not necessarily condone certain behaviors or actions on their part. I maintain this judgement for my own life only. I realize that I am in no position to judge someone who feels that they can trust me with their life. It doesn’t require too much energy from me and I feel honored.

I used to be someone who kept everything inside. Many people in the past have called me stoic. It took me a long time to learn about myself and realize that I am a deeply emotional person. Several years ago, it was too painful for me to experience my own emotions, it was too scary. I’m still the same person, I just know myself a whole lot better. I allow myself to go through feelings, whether they are good or not-so-good. If I read Rudyard Kipling’s poem “If” several years ago, I would not have understood why Triumph and Disaster are both imposters. Now I do. Intuitively, I think people who confide in me, realize the transformation within me and they know that I have traveled down a few roads myself.