Monthly Archives: September 2008

My first day

My first day

I had my first writers’ group session today in Caroll Gardens, Brooklyn. Remember The Cosby Show? Well everytime I’m in this neck of the woods, I always think of Heathcliff Huxtable, M.D. with his downstairs OB/GYN practice and five kids and attorney wife. Who would be crazy enough to have their practice downstairs in NYC?! Anyway, I digress…

So there’s seven people in the group, one was absent. Two Wall Street people, a teacher, a fresh NYU college grad (ah, to be so young again), and a copywriter. What does a copywriter do anyway? When asked about my background as a writer, I told the group that the only workshop I ever took was as a freshman at NYU where I was forever delegated to a B+ on each paper I submitted. I told them how it dismayed me that the highest grade I ever got was a B+/A- (can someone please tell me what the hell that means?) I described my experience writing short articles for local newspapers about medical stuff and medical journals about boring science stuff.  What I didn’t tell them is that I have unlimited determination and I will be a published non-medical author in two years. You can quote me on that. No one likes a gunner, right? :)

I was very impressed with the group. Very erudite, as to be expected. Who would join a writers’ group of their own volition on a Monday evening? The first session we went over an Andre Dubus short story, Killings and then did some short exercises. One of them was writing a story using five words that were randomly picked. If memory serves me right, the words were: pearl, canyon, latte, India, sunlight. Some of the stories that were generated by my fellow writers were pretty impressive. So, it’s 9:30 PM and my eyelids were starting to droop, and my brain synapses were barely functioning at this time, but this is what I managed to put together:

They were sitting on the edge, looking out at the canyon below. She asked, “I wonder if this is what India looks like? Does Mt. Everest have such deep canyons?” She was fingering the single pearl on her ring. The sunlight was suddenly covered by some low-lying clouds giving them a bit of cover from the brightness. He turned and looked at her while she was playing with her ring, “Well, this sure ain’t New York. Can’t get a latte for miles ahead.”

I submitted one of my short stories to two writing competitions today : Zoetrope and Glimmertrain.

Onward and forward troop! :)

Stepping up to the plate

Stepping up to the plate

About five months ago a patient came to me for a routine checkup. She told me that her boyfriend found out that he had gonorrhea two weeks ago and was treated for it. “Is there any way you can check and see if I have it?” I asked all the appropriate questions, she wasn’t having any symptoms of gonorrhea or any other sexually transmitted diseases. She did not have a history of sexually transmitted diseases in the past. I hesitated, but asked, “Has he been promiscuous outside of the relationship?” She told me, as far as she knew, that he hadn’t been. But I knew better.

At the end of the history taking and physical exam, I went over the plan with my patient. I asked her if she had any more questions. She asked, “So, is it possible to get gonorrhea any other way besides having sex?” Now, I’m a doctor, but I’m first a woman with a heart, and I wanted to reach out to my patient and give her a big hug. But I didn’t. In that moment, it was my responsibility to be her doctor. So I looked at her and said, “No, it isn’t.”

There comes in everyone’s life, moments when you have to step up to the plate. These moments are rare and spread out far between, but everyone has them. I’m talking about those moments when you have to do the right thing. When your friend is being wrongly accused of stealing and you know he didn’t do it. When someone you know is being sexually abused. When a child is being abused at home. It isn’t easy to do the right thing in these moments, but deep down you know the difference between ignoring it or taking action.

I seize these moments and keep them forever etched in my mind. I remember those people who stepped up for me and those who haven’t. The difference between those who do and don’t is strength of character and an undying spirit. I’ve come to realize that those who possess these two remarkable qualities are born with them and their environment fosters development. But, many are not born with it at all.

I’ve been struggling with certain people in my life who don’t possess these qualities. I realize that the continuation of our relationship was mostly my decision. I am the stronger one who carried it. But I now need people who can step up to the plate and not be afraid. I think about when I was harassed by a certain kid in high school and nobody did anything about it. Even my “best friend”. I think about when I was attacked by a friend’s father, who decided to pretend that it never happened, along with the rest of his family. These are the moments that forever haunt me.

In that moment, when my patient asked me about gonorrhea, I needed to give her the plain truth. Because I care. There are enough people you will run into who will run for cover when there’s a thunderstorm, but keep the ones that hold the umbrella over you when it’s pouring rain.

A Day in the Life

A Day in the Life

This post will have run-ons. The paragraphs will not be congruent and won’t have anything to do with each other.

Today I was told that I couldn’t join the Navy because I have asthma. You know what happens when you tell me that I can’t do something…

Today I thought about someone saying that I look like a kangaroo when I jump rope. You know who you are. :P

Today I thought about the lovely medical assistant and beautiful receptionist who thinks that every male friend I have is “more than a friend”. You guys are too much. No guy is safe when they come to the office.

Today I thought about Maya and her beautiful round eyes. She looks just like her father when he was a little boy, even though he thinks that I can’t remember ;)

Today I got a blast from the past.

Today I recycled all the Perrier bottles that were accumulating on my desk.

Today I was wondering what happened to the shipment of Gardasil vaccines. The office had to cancel two appointments for patients who were coming in for that reason only. Then I realized I forgot to hit the “send” button on the order form. :(

Today I wore my new London Fog trenchcoat and Anahata Chakra.

Today I received word that a short story that I submitted to a magazine is being reviewed.

One Nation Under God, Is There Liberty and Justice For All?

One Nation Under God, Is There Liberty and Justice For All?

The meaning of Loralee: Siren of German legend who lured boatmen in the Rhine to destruction.  - sm

Written by Sivaprasad D. Madduri, M.D., Poplar Bluff , Missouri

“I read the article you wrote about the events that took place on June 26, 2008 aboard Southwest flight. I was horrified, upset and angered. It’s hard to describe the emotions one feels when reading something of this nature. But alas, after reading the article and thinking about it, what I really wanted to know is, “What is next?”
This is one of the many letters I received and the unfortunate victim mentioned in the above incident was me: a physician from India who immigrated to the United States 38 years ago and had been in private practice in South East Missouri for more than a quarter century.
On June 26, 2008, I traveled from St Louis to Las Vegas to attend AAPI annual convention by Southwest flight 1226. Two hours into the flight, I tried to go to the bathroom ( I take a blood pressure medicine with diuretic that makes one ‘go’ more often). As I was sitting in row six, I walked to the front lavatory. The flight attendant, named Lora Lee Minton, abruptly stopped me and essentially shouted at me, “Go back! This bath room is occupied, and you cannot stand here.”
Shocked and dumbfounded at this unfriendly behavior, I went back and sat in my seat. Two minutes later, I saw the lavatory door opening and I got up and walked towards the bath room again. The same flight attendant (Lora Lee Minton) screamed at me, “I told you not to go to that bathroom,” and started pushing me into my seat. I was totally confused at this erratic behavior, and told her that I had been taking medicine and I had to go to the toilet. I even tried to walk past Ms.Minton as I was very uncomfortable.
“I told you not to go,” she pushed me into my seat! I was lost. I flew many times but had never experienced a rude and unfriendly behavior like this. Confused and not knowing what to do, I went back and sat in my seat. I saw the pilot came out of the lavatory, walked into the cockpit and closed the door behind him. Later I could use the bathroom.
The sequence of events that followed were more frightening and beyond the scope of any one’s imagination. As the plane landed in Las Vegas , I was escorted by two police officers and was handed over to the FBI. The FBI interrogated me at length and for the first time, I was told that the flight attendant, Ms. LoraLee Minton, reported that I was causing ‘disturbance’ during the flight. I was also told that when the pilot is out of the cockpit, no one is supposed get up from their seat, till the pilot goes back to his seat. This apparently is a federal law being enforced since 9/11 and no one ever told me, nor was it announced during the flight.
That night I was taken through federal centers for further investigation. I was hand-cuffed, finger printed and was ‘processed’ as a common criminal. I was told repeatedly that my background was checked and I had no criminal record. Even after checking my back ground and even after confirming it by calling my family members (Our two children that live in St Louis and Houston, Texas ) and my professional partner (urologist from Poplar Bluff, Missouri ), I still had to go through the harassment. I was dragged through Federal court buildings that night with hand and ankle cuffs, left in cells for hours before I was interrogated and was threatened repeatedly with abusive language: ‘Shut up,’ ‘I am going to kick your ass,’ to name a few. Finally I was taken to a federal detention center in Las Vegas and was ushered into a large jail cell! I spent the night in jail with 43 prisoners – most of them drug dealers and picked up at street fights!
The next day I went through processing in a federal court building and presented in front of a Federal Judge. The public defender told me that my ‘case’ was decided and I would be released if I pleaded guilty and paid a fine of $2,500. He also told me that I could refuse to plead guilty, contest the judgment and even could win, but could be taking a long time, cost more and might result in multiple trips to Las Vegas .
Exhausted, depressed and completely deflated, I agreed to what ever the public defender suggested and got out after 24 hours of ‘living hell’. I endured the most horrifying and traumatic 24-hours of my life for a crime I sincerely believe I did not commit. A simple statement by the flight attendant (Lora Lee Minton) in normal tone of voice that I was not supposed to wait in front of the toilet when it was occupied by the pilot, would have saved the ghastly ordeal.
I was told repeatedly by the prison guards, some of the FBI officials (not all of them were rude), the prison inmates who heard my story that the reason I was targeted was because of my skin color (brown) and ethnic background (South Asian, Indian).
When I returned home, I did not feel like lying flat and take the abuse, more so the incident involved not only me but an entire race and ethnic group. I sent my story to local, state and national news papers including all the major Indian news publications. The response was overwhelming: the news papers were very receptive; I received numerous e-mails, letters, phone-calls, sympathy and supportive cards; every one wanted me to ‘fight-it-out’ and ‘not to keep quite and do nothing.’
I did send my story to ACLU (American Civil Liberties Union) of Missouri and Nevada , yet I haven’t heard from them yet, though I was told that my experience had merit. I contacted attorneys locally as well as in St Louis and was told that they were looking for proper attorneys that specialize in civil liberties cases; I was told by some that I should not have pleaded guilty and should find eye-witnesses that would testify in my favor.
During 30 years of my stay in America , I never felt so threatened nor my rights so violated as I did that fateful night. ‘You are not guilty until proven otherwise’, the anthem we are made to believe all the time was turned out to be not true; I was guilty until prove my self innocent. I was treated like a guilty person and was never given a chance even to tell my side of the story. Even after the incidence, I am finding it difficult to prove my innocence. I want Southwest Air Lines to realize their mistake and drop charges against me. I did contact Southwest airlines and was informed that they were standing by their stewardess and the issue had no racial profile or bias.
The entire episode reminded me of another famous incidence in the history: when Gandhi and his friends were abused by the British in South Africa , he realized he was ‘helpless.’ Gandhi later started his ‘non-violent protest’ against the mighty British which spread like wild fire and made the British bow down on their knees in front of the ‘half naked fakir’( what Winston Churchill called Gandhi) and quit India leaving India a free nation.
I sincerely feel that is what we may need to make Southwest realize their mistake. I thank all the friends, acquaintances, and people that even did not know me that were supportive and sent me their mail, letters, phone calls and cheering cards. It is time to let the offender that abused the powers know that we all stand behind one common cause and so similar incident will not happen again. Unified voice and Gandhian protest should make the arrogant authorities realize that what they did was not right.
The following is the address of Southeast Air lines office in Dallas ; who ever feels like joining the cause, please express your opinions and protests to: Mr.Fred Taylor, Customer Service Dept – Southwest Airlines, Love Field, P.O.Box 36611 , Dallas , TX 75235 .

Unconditional love

Unconditional love

A very important and famous man once told me that I should never settle for anything less than unconditional love. I won’t go into the intimate details of our conversation, but they were important words for me to hear.

I’ve been thinking about our conversation more and more recently, realizing that through my life, I haven’t always had unconditional love. No blame on anyone, it was I who decided to stay in these relationships, but I know better now.

The word “love” should always have “unconditional” either before or after it. It shouldn’t be “I love you”, but “I unconditionally love you”, or “I love you unconditionally”. Then, and only then, do those words mean something. Better yet, if these words are proven rather than spoken.

unlimited

unlimited

you will meet many people in your life that will tell you
can’t, won’t, never
your mother
your father
your sister
your brother
your friend
your ex-
your lover
your enemies
but never yourself

they will beat you into submission
to convince you that you have limitations
when they themselves are limited
are not able, cannot and will not
are courageless, inspirationless and lack strength

tell yourself everyday
i can, i will, i will conquer
i will, i can, i will conquer
i am endless and the spirit is within me

it begins and ends with me
it is not from my father nor my mother
but began with me and was given to me by the higher spirit

the devil’s mouth can mimic sweetness
and then turn into a pile of venomous snakes
but as long as i keep the gift from the higher spirit
the devil can never break me

“You’re pregnant!”

“You’re pregnant!”
Dr. Mandal

Dr. Mandal

The most rewarding times in my practice have been when I’ve told my patients that they are pregnant. Of course, the few times that this has happened, the pregnancies were always wanted.

A month ago, one of my lovely patients came with her husband and 16-week old baby son named Karim. He is the sweetest little angel you can imagine, blue eyes like his beautiful mother and smile like his father. I remember last year when my patient came to me with a missed period and I was the one who told her that she was pregnant. She was so happy. I was happy to tell her.

Today, another lovely woman came to my office who just got married. We did the necessary tests and sure enough, she is pregnant! Even though I’m not an OB/GYN I keep ample quantities of pre-natal vitamins at the office. I gave her a whole box load of stuff to help with her nausea and vitamin supplements for the pregnancy. She looked amused that I was so excited, although concerned about how she was going to carry all those tablets to work without anyone noticing what they were.

This is one of the rewards of owning a practice where the median age is 30 and 98% are women. I have a panel of mostly beautiful, energetic, lovely, talented women patients. It’s wonderful when I get to tell them they’re going to be mothers. I feel touched that these two particular women came to me even before seeing their OB/GYN. :)

Proud to be Indian/ Proud to be Bengali

Proud to be Indian/ Proud to be Bengali

I have often written about my struggles with wrapping myself around two cultures. Indian/Bengali vs. American. It almost felt like I could belong to one, but not both. I’m still learning how to be proud of my dual heritage but it’s not so difficult anymore.

I grew up in a world where the most important things were your SAT score, GPA, Ivy League colleges and whether your were going to be a doctor, lawyer or engineer. Needless to say, there was severe competition, often resulting in silly and immature behavior. There was a fervor to have your kid skip a grade, even if they weren’t particulary bright. Comparisons between kids happened on a daily basis. Who could read first? Who knew their multiplication tables at age five? It was a rat race. Even deciding to be a doctor was difficult because of caste issues.  I often had to hear that I was “shy”, “introverted” and “did whatever your parents told you to do”. What most of my parents’ friends often did not realize was that I had a strong personality and only did what I wanted to do.

Although I consider myself immensely lucky and privileged in certain ways, I felt that I wasn’t able to choose who I wanted to be friends with growing up. It was expected that I would befriend the kids of my parents’ friends, whether I liked it or not. Since my parents rarely socialized with anyone outside of the Hindu Bengali community, I was delegated to this group. And I HATED it.

Most teenagers go through a rebellious stage, but mine extended to adulthood. I’ve always felt it important to be able to choose your own friendships. For me, my special friends are ones who have provided me with the most joy, laughter, comfort, solace and understanding when the chips are down. Even beyond my family. I think they know me better than almost anyone else and realize the multiple layers of my persona. I’ve always felt limitless around my best friends. They often are shocked when I tell them of how I am perceived by the Bengali community. It’s so funny because they’ve only known a person who is rather outgoing, extroverted, and determined.

I distinctly remember the summer prior to starting medical school in 1993. I was at a picnic party being held by one of my parents’ friends. Someone asked me if felt intimidated to start med school. We were talking when suddenly our conversation was interrupted. A guy (who also went on to become a physician) looked at me and said, “You’re going to medical school?” He had a look of disbelief and shock on his face. I don’t remember what my reply was, but I remember thinking that even us “shy and introverted types who only listened to what their parents said” could gain admission to medical school. “Which school?”, he asked. I replied, “NYU”. “That’s a good school”, still with the look of disbelief on his face. Sarcasm welled up and I wanted to say, “Thanks, I didn’t realize NYU was a good school until you just told me.”

I admit that I was one stubborn child. To this day, I don’t know anyone more stubborn than myself.  Adolescence was a daily argument with my parents. Now that I’m able to form friendships with other Indians separate from my parents’ society, I can discover on my own what it means to be Indian, more importantly, Bengali. I embrace my Indian/Bengali heritage. The culture, dress, art, music and language are beautiful. I’m proud to be Indian and prouder to be Bengali.

Inspiring people

Inspiring people

I’ve been reading Billie Jean King’s Pressure is a Privilege. It’s simply written, with no pretense. I was a tot when Billie Jean played the infamous Battle of the Sexes with Bobby Riggs in September 1973. Yet, even though I never watched that match, it was something that I heard about repeatedly. It was, in a word, one of the siginificant events that leveled the playing field between men and women (at least in tennis) and made the U.S. Lawn and Tennis Association reward women appropriately for their achievements. It also gave force to Chapter IX which allowed women to gain scholarships and academic/sports opportunities which were only available to their male counterparts.

Among inspiring people, Billie Jean King definitely falls on that list. Others include Arthur Ashe, Nelson Mandela, and Mohandas K. Gandhi. There are so many more, but I name these few people, because I view them as operating out of a higher intelligence. They are/were channels through which a higher spirit operated. They did things for the greater good of human beings. They realized it in the moment and seized the opportunity and never let go.

There are many people who are wealthy, powerful and successful but not all are inspiring. Some operate for their own empowerment or to increase their wealth. Not all have the spirit that I mentioned above.

I have a doctor friend who just got married. Recently she was called to Uganda to work with a pediatric nurse. She felt scared because it’ll be her first time to Africa. Obviously, most people would be enjoying their honeymoon right now, but not her. She operates out of selflessness and truly believes in helping other people. I admire her greatly.

In a world where celebrities are worshipped and given privileges meant for Greek gods, it’s hard to realize that most are not inspiring. Truly famous people do things not to become famous. They do things because of a higher calling and purpose. Along the way, fame follows. They remain humble and have a grounded perspective. They are gifts from God.