Monthly Archives: October 2008

Oct30

Childhood friends

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Childhood friends

High school. Not a fun time for me. But even during the rough times, I had connections with people in unexpected places. People who you wouldn’t necessarily think I would gravitate towards (or vice versa), but we did. Thanks to the ingenious invention of a Harvard dropout (I am referring to Facebook), I reconnected with one of my very old friends that I haven’t seen in a long long time.

We grew up in very different families, circumstances, and we were very different people. But at heart, we have so many similarities, our tendency to laugh during the hardest moments and our love of music. I hadn’t seen my friend since my tenth year high school reunion, and even at that time, I wasn’t able to really speak freely with her. Besides some cherishable moments in college, I haven’t laughed this hard with anyone in a really long time.

Remarkably we confided in each other how life back then was difficult for both of us. I realized that although her exterior was so tough back then, inside she was just as scared as I was. Laughing and reminiscing with my friend, I could hardly believe that nineteen years has passed since we were classmates. I’m so glad that we have reconnected and even happier that I’m able to tease out the good things from a time that wasn’t so happy for me.

Oct26

Nature in the concrete jungle

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Nature in the concrete jungle

Yesterday the winds were so strong that I was swept away. Living so high up from the ground, I don’t get the opportunity to listen to raindrops. I was able to hear them yesterday with the window blowing the drops against my window pane. When I walked outside this morning, I saw big fat earthworms squiggling around on the sidewalks. I took one, dug a small hole and put it back into the Earth. It reminded me of when I dissected a worm in biology class. I’ve also dissected grasshoppers, frogs, a rat (in college) and a human being (medical school). The grossest, by far, was the rat.

There were leaves strewn all over the place and I spied a spider busily rebuilding its cobweb right in front of the pharmacy store. Nature can still exist amongst the concrete jungle.

Oct25

Respect

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Respect

One of the biggest bummers is when you lose respect for someone. Whether it’s a friend, lover, teacher, co-worker or family member. There’s a certain amount that I allow for each person in my life, varies on how long I’ve known you, our past history and my general instinct. I don’t have a mathematic formula for it, but once a negative transaction happens, a certain amount of points are deducted automatically. I know that this sounds really black and white, but I’ve come to learn that words mean diddly squat. Show me who you are. This comes with time.

Recently I’ve dealt with a few people for whom I’ve lost complete respect. Once that happens one can never regain it. No matter what you do. I am a person of great substance and it is a privilege to be my friend/co-worker/lover/etc… I haven’t always thought this way, but I’ve learned that if you don’t define what you deserve, you will attract people that are not worthy of who you are.

My sister has accused me of being absolute and concrete in these sorts of matters; I wholeheartedly disagree. I know what I want in life and I will get it. It’s just a matter of time. I deserve nothing less than the absolute best.

I grew up in a family that cares immensely about what other people thought, sacrificing what really matters: self-esteem and respect. Even though my mom, dad and sister were often preoccupied with their false relationships, I remained stalwart and understood I didn’t fit into the family in any shape or form. This still holds true today. The blessing of this is that I grew up building my own foundation of respect, since I never got it from anyone else around me.

Oct16

Random craziness?

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Random craziness?

There was a full moon on 10/14/2008.

I checked because the patients have been going crazy. The secretaries in the office have been overwhelmed with the same thing.
First I thought it was the stock market.
Then I thought it might be all the undecided people who don’t know if they’re going to vote for Obama vs. McCain.
My friend Aleyda, who works in the office, said, “There must be a full moon outside”.
So I looked up the lunar calendar online,  and it was confirmed.

Oct15

Thankful for water

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Thankful for water

I woke up this morning to find that there was a huge watermain break last night. When my alarm clock rings, my usual norm is to blindly head to the bathroom and fumble about, trying to turn the shower on. I abruptly found a few trickles of water coming out of the showerhead and I thought, “Oh no, this is not good.” Anyone who knows me well knows that this is a standard expression when I am not happy.

So…what to do? I cannot function without a shower. The brain cells do not come alive. They remain dormant. Like a grumpy bear woken up from hibernation, I made my breakfast (I was still able to make coffee because I have drinking water stored). I headed to work, I felt so out of sync, so not in the rhythm of the high pace of NYC. The staff noticed that I was grumpy and sullen. By the way, before I left the house I did manage to brush my teeth and wash my face so don’t get completely grossed out.

Then the brain cells started coming alive. THE GYM! My gym on 21st. that caters to the celebrities of NYC, allowing them to shower in pristine stalls, complete with the shower gels, facial cleansers, shampoo and conditioner, deodorant and body lotion, mouthwash and whatever else you can imagine. Oh and fluffy white towels. I was dreaming of finishing my morning patients so I can run over and shower. Okay, I’m not a celebrity, but I still work out at a celebrity gym :P

After the shower, the world became so much cleaner. I was able to hear the taxi cabs honking again. I didn’t trip over the guy who was handing out pamphlets on the street. I was able to jaywalk again. Manhattan, with the monstrous buildings weren’t monsters to me anymore. The guy who was approaching me just wanted to know the directions to Park Ave., he wasn’t try to mug me. Ahhh, a shower. We are so blessed to have running water. Count your lucky stars for this every single day.

Oct12

Forgiveness and understanding fear

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Forgiveness and understanding fear

I just came back from seeing Isabel Coixet’s Elegy at the Angelika Theatre. The main characters in the film are Sir Ben Kingsley and Penelope Cruz. While I won’t give away what happens in the film, it was interesting to watch the dynamic between David (Kingsley) and Consuela (Cruz).

While I was watching the film, I realized how far I’ve come. Of course, life is always full of challenges and no one starts or leaves this earth as a perfect human being. But our paths are filled with individual challenges that we either overcome (or not). Coixet brilliantly demonstrates this in the portrayal of David and Consuela’s imperfect relationship. Imperfect as it may be, they both love each other. David, an older professor and celebrated author, falls in love with the much younger Consuela, his student. While David is older in years, he is unable to have a sustained relationship because of his underlying fears and insecurities. Consuela, although younger, makes up for it in wisdom and the ability to communicate honestly.

I also realized that for the remainder of my life, I will continue to encounter people who are not as strong as me. I must learn to forgive their weaknesses and realize that I have conquered those very similar things in my own life. I will also continue to meet people who are stronger than me, and I shall learn from them, absorbing their fortitude. The process won’t be easy, since I won’t always realize people’s strengths (or lack of) immediately.

Fear can be so overwhelming. In fact, it can be debilitating. One of the ways I overcome fear is by asking myself what the worst possible scenario could be when I start feeling scared. When I am able to imagine that, my fear slowly dissipates. I’ve recently dealt with people in my personal life that were so afraid of themselves that they had to shut off and alienate others. Initially I felt thoroughly confused by their behavior,  but watching Elegy, I am one step closer towards forgiving and understanding.

Oct11

Pumpkin Walnut Bread

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Pumpkin Walnut Bread

From The Art and Soul of Baking by Cindy Mushet

Makes 1 loaf

This is the loaf you want on that gorgeous fall day when it’s too beautiful outdoors to fuss in the kitchen for long.

Ingredients:
2 cups (10 oz.) unbleached all purpose flour
3/4 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon allspice
1/4 teaspoon ground cloves
1/4 teaspoon ground ginger
1/4 teaspoon salt
2 large eggs, at room temperature
1/3 cup (2 3/4 oz.) water
1 1/2 cups (10 1.2 oz.) sugar
1 cup (9 oz.) canned pumpkin puree
1/2 cup neutral-flavor vegetable oil (such as canola)
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
1 cup (4 oz.) chopped toasted walnuts

1. Preheat the oven to 350F and position an oven rack in the center. Lightly coat a 9×5 inch loaf pan with melted butter or high-heat canola-oil spray and line it with a piece of parchment paper that extends 1 inch beyond the edge of both sides of the pan. In a large bowl, whisk together the flour, baking soda, cinnamon, allspice, cloves, ginger and salt until thoroughly blended. In a medium bowl, whisk together the eggs and water. Add the sugar and blend well. Add the pumpkin puree, veegtable oil, and vanilla extract and blend well.
2. Add the pumpkin mixture to the dry ingredients and whisk until blended and smooth. Add the walnuts and stir until they are evenly distributed. Use a spatula to scrape the batter into the prepared loaf pan and level the top.
3. Bake for 55 to 65 minutes, until the bread is firm to the touch and a toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean. Transfer to a rack to cool completely. To serve, cut into 1/2-inch thick slices by sawing gently with a serrated knife. Any leftovers should be wrapped in plastic and stored at room temperature for up to 2 days, or in the refrigerator for up to 4 days.

Buen probecho!