Until it happened to me
I never knew what your loneliness felt like
Without your mother, your father, brothers and sisters
In a land foreign to yours with vast spans of oceans and land to separate you
From what you knew
Yet as I experience what you did
I am in awe of your strength, of how you persevered, of how you continued to love
Fearless
May I always be known as “father’s daughter”
Whose blood courses through my veins and comforts my aching heart
Steve Jobs is gone, but his entrepreneurial spirit, stubborness, resolve and spirit is always present. His genius has shaped the way I work now and hope to transform my business in the future. As I was driving to work today, listening to BBC, I heard something brilliant. There are three Apples that have transformed the world. Eve, Newton, and Steve qJobs.
You will be missed.
We come unbidden into this life, and if we are lucky we find a purpose beyond starvation, misery, and early death which, lest we forget, is the common lot. I grew up and I found my purpose and it was to become a physician. My intent wasn’t to save the world as much as to heal myself. Few doctors will admit this, certainly not young ones, but subconsciously, in entering the profession, we must believe that ministering to others will heal our woundedness. And it can. But it can also deepen the wound. - Abraham Verghese in Cutting for Stone.
Thinking of starting a children’s e-book on bullying.
Looking into illustrators. This could be fun and exciting.
http://www.jennybharris.com/funstuff/funstuff.htm ***
http://www.shangrila-studio.com/YourChildren’sBook.htm?gclid=CL2qrLKSm6oCFQw75QodOnb6zQ
http://www.andyjsmithillustration.com/
http://www.crodillustration.com/homepage.htm ***
http://www.jeannebalsam.com/services.asp?service=Illustration ***
It’s rewarding, challenging, frustrating, annoying and exciting to be a clinician, internist, doctor, physician, and ultimately a woman who cares deeply about her patients.
I don’t always get the 5 star reviews that you will read on Google, ZocDoc, Yelp and a myriad of other review sites. Some negative comments that have been left are, “she yelled at me”, “she was rude to me”, “I don’t think her policies are ethical”. I’m not always a good fit for every patient, which in parallel to life, I don’t always fit with every person. Thankfully, I love and enjoy seeing most of my patients. Some put a smile on my face and can change my whole mood. And I am grateful that the majority of the patients in my practice feel the same way about me and my assistant, Aleyda.
Every now and then, I get a patient that I never forget. I never forgot the first patient that passed away from complications of multiple myeloma when I was doing a sub-internship at Bellevue Hospital, during my last year in medical school. I never forgot my sweet Haitian patient during my first month of internship, who died of cerebral toxoplasmosis as a complication of AIDS. I never forgot the first patient that I diagnosed with colon cancer, who still lives today.
Who knew that in my little office that I would see a woman with an acute pulmonary embolism? She is a remarkable, vibrant woman and I am grateful that I had the ability to diagnose her condition and send her to the hospital for immediate treatment. Yesterday, a new patient of the practice told me that her family back in Atlanta sent a big “thank you” for figuring out what she had and getting it treated. In those moments, I honestly don’t feel proud, although some would say that I should. In those moments, I feel truly honored and humbled. I hold back my tears, because I am a very sentimental person. But when the patient leaves the office, yes, sometimes I do cry.
I learned a long time ago that life is never still. It ebbs and flows and you can either resist and remain rigid or you can decide to follow those curvaceous waves. I am at that point in my life where things are not in stasis. My clinical practice will be 5 years old, and already a few of my favorite patients have left. One is moving to Texas and the other, to follow her own ebbs and flows of life. I was surprised to feel the depth of how much they appreciated my care. I was humbled.
So…as I decide where I travel, I hope that my patients know how much I appreciate them.
This Christmas, please give me a box of Kleenex and a good makeup artist when I am going to become a bibi. I never thought happiness would come to me, but with hard work and cleaning out the cobwebs, my tears are now for joy. Please don’t get me the Puffs brand as that will ruin my makeup.
Thanks S.C.
S.M.
p.s. I’ll leave some cookies for you by the fireplace 
I took this incredible shot myself.
When life gets really busy for me, it’s really easy to say, “I don’t have time to do X,Y,Z”. It’s frustrating because I wnat to do those things, yet I don’t feel like I have enough time during the day to get those things done. It’s even more frustrating to hear the similar words from my patients when I advise them to make more time for exercise, relaxation and sleep. I often hear, “Well, there’s not enough time!”
Most recently, I’ve been trying to get back to music because my instinct tells me that my HUGE writer’s block is related to the lack of music in my life. At one point, I was a classically trained pianist and was a very good violinist as well. When medical school started, these things dropped out of the picture and I focused on memorizing the cranial nerves, Kreb’s cycle and looking through a microscope at slides that all seemed to blur into the same color.
Now, I’m a full-fledged physician, I run my own practice and enjoy it immensely; however, there’s part of me that isn’t fulfilled right now because I haven’t been writing like I normally do for the past several months. Two years ago, I started this blog and wrote avidly. Now, I post videos and have to think hard about what I’m going to write about. I met an editor last year who had advised me to pick up my violin again…I didn’t make time for it at that time, but I realize now that it’s crucial for me to get back to it. This is not only to tap into a creative outlet but to replenish my soul. Right now I’m buying dominant strings (experimenting with the sound for my violin) and getting my dormant violin repaired. Wish me luck!
Lately I’ve been approached by a few people like I’m a relationship expert. In my mind, while I am being asked questions about what to do/what not to do, I often find myself wondering, “When did I become the authority of relationships and knowing the secrets of making it work?” There has been no anger in the question, more confusion on my part.
Anyone who knows me well knows the ups and downs I’ve encountered in finding Mr. Right. It has been a journey, sometimes very painful. Even now that I have met the love of my life, I sometimes have feelings of insecurity wondering if he might hurt me as others have done before.
My secret in finding love, being happy, sometimes feeling insecure and having a wonderful man in my life is simple. I took a risk. I was willing to be hurt to find love. It’s something that I’ve had to practice in other aspects of my life: starting a new practice with no patients when people told me that it was unwise.
The ongoing challenges of remaining happy is to realize that not everyone is like the person that hurt me before. It’s a huge mountain for me, but not big enough that I can’t conquer it. With every hurt and disappointment, I prevailed and came out a stronger person. Each and every time, I told myself that I deserve the best and nothing less than that. I spoke out to the Universe and stated exactly what I wanted. My pain transformed into clarity.
Asking for good in your life is not selfish. But be clear for what you ask. If you are treated by others like there is something wrong for wanting good in your life, the answer is simple. There is something wrong with them, and you need to move on. Find someone who will validate you and challenge you.
I’m not a relationship expert, but I can definitely say that it took me a long time to learn this lesson for myself.
